Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize