That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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