He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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