I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
