I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
