im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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