She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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