Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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