Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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