my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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