dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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