Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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