We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he fucked my hip out of place.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
