And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
