Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
