My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
