You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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