I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
