this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
