For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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