her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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