I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
