KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
