Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
