Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
