dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
