Pappa wants mamma naked
there's paper in my vomit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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