i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
