for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
