Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
