I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
