3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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