I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
