I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
