my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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