She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
