I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looked like the before picture.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
