Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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