in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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