I have demons in me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we're making bets on your personal life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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