Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ketchup is God's man juice
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
