Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
