Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I color on your dick again?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
