Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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