lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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