Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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