I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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