Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
