Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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