How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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