He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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