You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
