Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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