If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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