hotel room ftw
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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