just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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