Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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