Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
