Need sex. Gaining weight.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
