In the future we'll all be gay
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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