i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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