My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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