he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
