I'm drive I can fine osifer
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
