In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
