your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
