Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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