I think im going to throw up on grandma
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
