I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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