I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
