Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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