i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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