Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
